Monday, October 17, 2011

Things That Were Texted to Me

A friend on vacation texts me about watching the pelicans, cormorants, and gulls fishing in the ocean. She says that's way too much work, and they should just go to the local buffet, lol. She follows that shortly with her nephew's comment, "How do you think the fish feels? He's swimming along and then...whoosh! 'I'm flying!'"

"Going to a Southern Baptist school is like going to a Cowboys fans school. They manage to bring it up in EVERY conversation/lesson, even when it has nothing to do with what's going on."

"I'm at Walmart. Girl is wearing gray see-through leggings and a pink thong. She isn't small." (Of course I immediately suggested she get a picture for the People-of-Walmart website! Duh!)

Texts you don't want to get from your daughter:
"Apparently my underwear helps my pants stay up. I'm wearing a thong today and they slip down more than usual."
"Do YOU know what it feels like to straddle a 31 degree keg in shorts? I do! :)" [In her defense, she works bar-back for a restaurant. But it sounds so bad!]

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Cybersex? At least buy me a software update first!

Our power was out at the 'berry for almost a week due to a bad underground cable. This in and of itself was an adventure in watching people walk past 'CLOSED' signs, impromptu blockades, and our Bookmobile parked out front, trying to get into the building.

When we opened back up, one patron had apparently suffered serious withdrawals from his 'online dating service.' He decided to have a private party right there at the computer! He was told that since this was his first offense, he was banned for the rest of the day and any other infractions of the same type would result in him being banned for 6 months. (I know you're thinking "WHAT?!?!?" But that's how our policy works. :/) After refusing to give his name, he was promptly escorted from the building. All the way out, he kept asking if we'd let it slide this once since he's mentally handicapped! Well, that was pretty obvious, but uh, NO! He then proceeded to call us, ask for the manager, complain that we had not been understanding of his handicap, ask again for the ban to be rescinded, and then GIVE HIS NAME, ADDRESS AND PHONE NUMBER so the big boss in administration could contact him about his complaints!!!!! He was contacted all right: city P.D. showed up at his door with a complaint about his public indecency!

Meanwhile, the computer has been decontaminated, given a thorough exam, and is in counseling for the trauma.